Yum

If you'll eat guacamole my friends you'll eat anything, because the only difference between this ...

And this ...

... is the bowl.


.

I Will Survive

Rambo had that fancy knife with a compass, and fish hook and snare wire tucked inside.

Indiana Jones survived with wit and by cracking a mean bull whip.

Buford Pusser walked tall with his hickory club.

A Meat Man Extraordinaire like myself has beef jerky.

Scoff, laugh if you must, but jerky has given me strength and the ability to survive in the most desperate of times.

There I was ... marooned in the hot Arizona desert.

Okay so I really it was a nice little guest ranch up in the hills, but I was marooned nonetheless. I was taking part in a week long writers conference.All food was included ... cooked and prepared by a real honest to goodness chef.

Problem was this chef, like so so many, enjoyed dancing with the Devil and all his evil veggie minions.

There were no steak and baked potato meals. I'm talking Garden fresh omelets for breakfast. Creamy asparagus chicken for lunch.  Parsley covered Salmon and rice for supper.

Now an unprepared Meat Man would have starved after five or six days of that crap, but me I was prepared ... I'd brought along a dozen big ass bags of beef jerky. I survived the week on beef jerky, beer, and rum.

There were twelve of us that started the week, but the attrition rate was high. We lost one or two who couldn't take criticism. Another couple to emergencies at home. One girl lapsed into a coma. No I'm not joking. By the end of the week there were only a handful of us left standing and I dare say I was the healthiest strongest of the bunch. Why? Because I was living on beef and booze my friends.


Now let me tell you how you too can enjoy this fabulous jerky diet. Or better yet, how you can take care of the important men in your life.

The fine folks over at House of Jerky  recently sent me a little care package and let me tell you it was fabulous.

I sampled the Black Pepper Jerky and if ever I'm marooned again I'm taking a barrel full of this stuff and Pamela Anderson with me. Yeah I know Pam is a Vegan nutjob but a bet a few days in she'll be willing to snack on some meat.

I also had the Teriyaki and while very flavorful it was also a bit sticky making it a less practical snack on the run or out in the field. My boys loved it and I highly recommend this flavor if you don't mind a touch of sticky.

The Sweet and Spicy had a bit too much kick for me, but it had a great meaty flavor to go along with the spice so if you enjoy a fiery tongue go for it.

I only thought the Sweet and Spice was warm until I tried the Hot Beef Jerky. Shit was it hot. You could dehydrate a chuck of Satan's ass and it wouldn't be any hotter. Frankly the heat kept me from tasting anything else.

The Natural Beef Jerky was nearly as good as the Black Pepper and again as good as jerky gets.

House of Jerky also makes and sells, Buffalo, Venison, Turkey, Wild Boar, and Salmon jerky.

They offer a Jerky of the month club which would be a great gift for any dad, (or your favorite meat loving blogger) Father's Day is coming you know.

Or you can easily donate jerky to be sent to our troops.

All of House of Jerky's beef jerky is made from premium grass fed cattle and you can find out more about them on twitter and facebook.

Jenny says I Got Style

Lettuce Is the Devil has won its first ever blog award .The oh so coveted -- Stylish Blogger Award.

This award was bestowed upon me me by ... gasp ... a salad eater. Albeit a very talented salad eater. Jennifer Archer is a friend, a mentor, and an inspiration to me. I hope to be just like her when I grow up. All except that salad eating part that is. Anyway check out Jennifer latest book, Through Her Eyes which is now available at all the finer bookstores and internet outlets. 

I won't keep you waiting another moment. Let's get the rules.

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you. Thanks Jennifer!

2. Share seven random facts about yourself on your blog.

#1 In high school, I once took two weeks of detentions rather than pick up a single slice of tomato off the ground.

#2 I built my wife a raised vegetable garden, which considering my dogma is sort of like an Israeli inviting an Islamic Imam over for a barbecue.

#3 Organic beef is nice, but I'd eat a crack addicted cow, raised on Sugar Babies and Marlboros before I would willingly ingest a single shred of lettuce nurtured by Franciscan monks in the Garden of Eden.

#4 Even though hops are green, and barley is a plant, I believe beer to be nectar of the gods, thus proving to wrongs can make a right.

#5 I am juvenile enough to find the old joke ... "What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?"  answer - A salad shooter. ... funny.

#6 I once survived a week long, meal inclusive, writers workshop on beef jerky and beer because all of the food was tainted by the devil. My fellow writers mocked me then, but at least two of them now follow Lettuce Is the Devil on facebook.

#7 Once upon a time I ate vegetables, or so my family claims, but a near death experience and extended hospital stay at the age of four forever changed my eating habits and I've been a meat only eater since then. I choose to believe I saw the light, sort of like the heat lamp at a burger joint and beneath it was a meat & cheese only, bacon double cheeseburger.

3. Pass the award along to five blogs that epitomize said theme.

#1  Honest Meat

#2 It's All About the Bacon

#3 Uncle Frog Blog

#4 Part Time Carnivore

#5 Chomposaurus

Cruelty is A Terrible Thing

A Few Words From The good Reverend ...

My Take

I eat meat. 

Meat comes from animals.

I accept that fact and understand that is the way of the world. The way things are meant to be. 

If we humans were meant to eat grass we'd have four chambers in our stomach and flat teeth designed for grinding. Just like cows do.

Whether you are an evolutionist, a steadfast believer in creationism, or are of the opinion the human race is an accidental collision of dust particles matters not. We are equipped to chew and digest meat and to deny those basic instincts is a crime against nature.

This leads me to a recent news story here in my area of the Texas panhandle. A national animal rights organization released video of abuse taking part at a local cattle company. Yes I said abuse. The owner of the company was on local news and admitted what was seen in the footage was wrong. Despite my steadfast love of meat I am not foolish enough to say or even suggest there are stupid people in this world. People who make mistakes and do things they should not.

But I am unwavering in my belief that the idiotic actions of some should provoke a knee jerk action or banning of something else.

The spokesman for this animal rights group looked in the camera and said, "This is why everyone should be vegan. If you eat meat you are as guilty as those on the video."

That my friends is wrong.

But let me back up and say I something that often provokes shock from others.

I DO NOT believe in animal rights.

Nor do I believe we should treat animals humanly.

What I believe in is animal welfare.

Same thing you say. Yeah, it is in most people's minds, but unfortunately the whack jobs mean the terms literally.

Humanly means to treat something like a human. And that is what groups like PETA, ALF, and Mercy For Animals believe. Animals are not human. Treating them like I would my cousin Larry will not make them so.

Animals have no rights. I don't want to arm bears, have a chicken clucking away in the voting booth next to me, or set free all the Fido's and Spot's now incarcerated in backyards the world over.

Those are crazy ideas.

On the other hand I do not believe a person should repeatedly kick a sick calf, feed a pit bull gunpowder to make it aggressive enough to fight another dog to its death, or keep and starve to death a dozen Bengal tigers because they can't afford the meat to feed them. (Good luck convincing those tigers that a vegan lifestyle is the way to go)

There is no place for cruelty or abuse anywhere in this world.

That goes at feedlots and migrant farm camps, where often times the folks who pick all those veggies are treated worse than animals.

But back to the guys assertion meat production should be banned based on the video evidence.

Following his logic ... the next time some sorry bastard is found guilty of child abuse, all fornication should be banned, that way no innocent kids will ever be harmed again.

Why I Have Nightmares

THE DEVIL IS A SHAPESHIFTER


NOT EVEN BATMAN WOULD WANT TO TANGLE WITH THESE EVIL PENGUINS


THIS PROVES IT - AN IDLE MIND DOES PAVE THE WAY FOR WICKED THOUGHTS

COME ON ADMIT IT - THAT ORANGE SCARES YOU JUST A BIT, DOESN'T IT.