Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I guess it was bound to happen.

After all you can't please every one.

And the world has gone softer than an overripe banana.

Vegan, vegetarians, and PETA heads are a vocal bunch so I thought it would be one of them, but apparently my first dissenter was offended for reasons the fact i like to snack upon creatures that once had a face.

Here are a few snippets from my first bit of hate mail.

 ... I became a regular reader when a mutual friend tuned me into your regular blog and while I often found you brand of humor to be sophomoric, it was at least mildly entertaining. However, this new venture, where you insist upon mocking both religion and healthy living, is worse than your usual gambits. To compare lettuce to Satan is utterly juvenile, as well as sacrilegious. What's next Jesus, Our Lord and Savior, to beef jerky?

There was more but that gives you the general idea. 

For the record the Lettuce Is The Devil blog, book, Facebook page, and twitter accounts are in no way meant to represent serious theology. If you have confused my instruction to the brilliant but often misguided Stephen, "Poke Salad" Parrish to say three Hail marinades and pray the rotisserie as genuine religious instruction I do apologize. 

That being said ... I REALLY do love beef jerky and it has saved me many times in life. 

And I suppose that I am sophomoric at times. Take the phrase the hate e-mailer used "utterly juvenile" ... upon reading that term it occurred to me if one changed the spelling to "udderly juvenile" it would be synonymous with another term -- titty baby. 

But I suppose I will just dismiss this letter as a sign that my Meat Man Dogma is finding an audience, besides I can't take it personal not when i know ... the LETTUCE made them do it.


  1. GOOD LORD! Some people... oh maybe I shouldn't have said that :P That was so freaking AWESOME! Udderly fantastic! LOL.

  2. Yay!!!!

    You're a somebody! You're a somebody!!


    Some people simply just have a failure to communicate.

  3. People take things way too seriously.

  4. A sophomoric sense of humour is better than no sense of humour at all, like your hate mailer. You go, Travis!

  5. "Three hail marinades and to pray the rotisserie"

    bwahaha. Funny stuff, Travis.

  6. I enjoy your humor. Richmondwriter

  7. That guy says "utterly juvenile" like it's a bad thing.

  8. "say three Hail marinades and pray the rotisserie"

    Oh my dog... Those are the best phrases that I've heard in a looooong time!

  9. I'm pretty sure this means that you are now officially famous on the internet.

    But I am pretty upset about this not being serious theology. I've been saying Hail Marinades every day to pray for the depressed vegan next door. . .

  10. Tonto Fielding tells me that squirrel is real tender and tastes beter than frog.

  11. Why is it that some people insist on taking seriously that which is not serious and then do not recognize the serious when it occurs?

  12. Travis, some people need to just get a life. The fact that they spend time deriding something that is obviously meant as a source of humor and fun just shows how much they need to grow up.

    Keep doin' what you're doin' dude. We love it!