Thursday, June 30, 2011

In A Kingdom Not So Far Away

From time to time I'm going to take a moment and highlight a member of the Lettuce Is the Devil brethren for without friends, life is worth nothing.

Today I'd like to introduce the one, the only Lissa.

Lissa and her husband are good friends. We enjoy going out for a bit of food and an adult beverage or ten with them. Sadly Lissa still dances with the green one and his evil veggie kin but at least her husband Randy is pure of heart. he is a true meat man, but this post is about Lissa not him.

Lissa is not shy. She is however naive in a few matters ... like ice.

Let's step back in time and share a story about our fairy princess.

Once upon a time our fair maiden began to perspire. Now Princess Lissa hates the heat. She would be happy if the mercury never rose above 45 so sweating is totally beneath her royal self.

But Lissa loves to eat. Not just salads and froo froo frillery but real honest too goodness meat. This is why I still have hope for her. And she will go anywhere or do most anything for a tasty meal so that is why on this hot Texas summer day Lissa found herself at a divey little motorcycle joint that might have had working A/C some time back when Route 66 was actually the mother road.

So there she sat perspiring in that Route 66 greasy spoon waiting for her meal. She'd been partaking of many an adult beverage to keep her parched throat lubricated so soon enough her bladder demanded attention. But alas the women's room had a line.

Now our fair maiden is not about to wait in a line so she quickly ducked into the men's room. There she spied the most curious of sights. A long metal tub full of ice. Now Princess Lissa being of the female persuasion was unaccustomed to  the handiness of something called a urinal. Perhaps she;d seen or heard tell of the fancy new porcelain kind that hang on the wall but an old antique type trough urinal was not something she'd ever heard of.

Or perhaps the heat had melted her brain.

Either way our fair maiden was tempted by the frigid allure of the ice. She dipped her hand in and finding that wholly refreshing she scooped a handful of the crushed cubes and proceeded to run them along her neck and upper chest. Back at the table she asked the men why the restaurant stored ice in the men's room.

Sadly I have no video of Princess Lissa's facial expression upon learning that ice in urinals helps keep the piss smell at bay especially when it is hot and steamy.

But never fear for I do have video of our fair maiden taking her first ever sip of an evil concoction of tomato and clam juice, mixed with beer. It is called a Chillata.

And yes, Lissa brave soul that she is granted her blessings of this post.


  1. Truly an eventful day. Lissa introduced to a West Texas Lemonade Stand and Portmanteau with beer as well. A 'Clam Eye' in the North. A 'Beefamato' (beef broth, tomato juice w/Shiner Bock) would be a good mix for Mr. Travis Erwin. What's next? Is it a bidet or a water fountain?

  2. Loved it!!!!

    I think she liked the drink....she did salute you!!

  3. As everyone can see, there are no dull moments when you are with either Lissa or Travis & Company.

  4. Oh man- that is so wrong, and so awesome. *lol*

    And, El El- Beefamato sounds yummy!